Moving forward

I've been having these feelings lately when I drive down my street or walk into work and it's like I'm doing it for the very fist time. The street looks different somehow, the building it lit differently somehow... it all feels so surreal. I'm having a hard time figuring out what I should be doing or how I should be doing it. In someways, the things I've been working towards for so long are coming to pass and I don't know what's next. I know I'm in a growth mode but I don't have a lot of clear directions. I want to embrace something, but everything feels new... and scary... and unknown. I've been doing my current job for 5 months now and I still haven't found that comfort groove. I've been going to school for years but I don't know what having my degree done will mean. I've been planning so many things and now that it's time to take action or move forward, it feels like I made the decision yesterday. I'm a big picture person. I don't see just the present but I constantly focus on the future and it gets me into trouble every once in awhile because I don't enjoy the moment and constantly work for bigger and better and more. I guess the problem I'm having is putting together the pieces of the big picture. I don't know what it looks like. I get partial images and some comforting glimpses but still I feel so lost. I think part of me is starting to really understanding aging and what it means. Time goes by so quickly, much too quickly if you ask me. I look at my life a year ago and so much has changed. My family. My friends. My lifestyle. My career. My relationship. My way of thinking. I know I'm moving forward and I'm going to be making some big changes. I've got my fingers crossed and taking a big deep breath.