And so it comes to an end

On December 20, at 3:29 PM my dad was pronounced dead. He was 60 years old and I wasn't ready to say goodbye. What was scheduled as a routine hip replacement/ corrective leg surgery went dreadfully wrong and now I am left -- without my dad. I can't begin to explain the rage I feel or the hatred I have for the two men (so called doctors) that contributed to his death. One week ago today, my dad was laid to rest. My stomach has been in knots ever since, my world has been torn upside down and my mind fades in and out. I tell you this in my blog because 2010 will forever be the year of life changes. I married Josh, I gained 2 daughters, and I lost my dad. When I go through such sadness I do find that writing helps and this blog has been long neglected so I'm sure I'll come here to let it all out. I am not ready for 2011 mostly because I don't want to enter it under these circumstances. I am questioning all that I once had some sort of faith in -- society, God, myself, my friendships, and my hope. I am lost at the moment and know that things can't stay this way for long. I should want to live my life in a positive way, but right now I only want to escape from it. 2011 is going to be a long year.