Struggling

I've been struggling lately, struggling a lot. I haven't felt like myself in quite awhile and I'm ready to snap out of it. I've been pretty negative and moody lately and found that I don't get excited about much these days. And I should. It's my life and I should enjoy it. I guess I'm overwhelmed, a bit depressed, a lot stressed, and generally not feeling good about myself. It seems like I'm going through the motions but not really living. Work is really dragging me down. My co-workers are really irritating me. There is one part of my job that I love, but the rest is pretty awful. That one part is what I want to do, but I have so much on my plate, I can't focus. I sit at my desk trying to wrap my head around what I need to do and can't focus for more than a few minutes at a time. The people play a big part in the negativity that I have about my job. I don't like my co-workers. I don't even care much for my friends that are co-workers. They all drag me down and steal the "life" from me. I used to be able to think about the evenings and the weekeneds after work and get excited. Now I don't. Now I feel like I just use this time to recover from work. I was so much more creative -- writing, crafts, etc. Now it's nothing. And I'm not taking care of myself. I'm not exercising or eating properly. I'm not enjoying things. When I come home from work, I'm so fried, I space off. I don't get much accomplished in my house. I surf the net or play Dr. Mario in an attempt to forget about the crappiness of my day. And it's not fair to me, the girls, or Josh. At one time, I planned my evenings. I planned my health. My entertainment. I had plans and they weren't always cancelled because of work or not feeling well. And not feeling well has become a regular thing. I have a lot of headaches these days. I feel lethargic and ran down. I don't even know where to begin when it comes to fixing me. There is so much to do and not enough energy in me to do it. I guess that's the problem -- no energy. I'm spent most days. How can I stop letting my job control my life and help me to start actually living the life I want?

Polyvore

I found this site called Polyvore that is so cool. You can create looks just like you would find in magazines, yourself. I made this look there. If only I had the 10K the outfit costs and could fit into it!

Coming Soon

Book Reviews!

Ah, hello, goodbye October

So October has arrived and is nearly gone and I haven't blogged in over a month! I guess I've had a whirlwind of changes come about in the last month and that's kept me preoccupied.

First thing, I'm engaged. Yep, with a ring and all that jazz. Josh proposed on October 10th. The proposal story is a bit entertaining. I had Saturday class and when I got home I had a headache. So I decided to lay down and rest. Josh kept asking me to go with him and the girls to the bookstore but I told him I just wasn't up to it. So they went ahead and left. About 15 minutes later, he called and said that his car was giving him problems and I would need to pick them up at the bookstore. So I got up and drove to Borders. When I got to Borders, I headed directly for the kid's section. When I got towards the back, I saw him and said, "You really wanted me to come to this bookstore today, didn't you?" as a joke. He said, "Yes, yes I did." And about that time, my parents came around the corner and Josh dropped to one knee. This was the bookstore that Josh and I met at on June 11, 2008. He proposed, I went into shock, my parents took pictures, and the girls ran around the bookstore. My ring is beautiful and I love it. We are just getting started on the wedding planning but it's already a lot of fun.

In September Josh's house was broken into. The thieves took nearly $20,000.00 worth of stuff. Josh has been dealing with that for about a month and a half and it's been a tedious process. Just when we think we've got it all cleared up, something else crops up. They stole a credit card, check books, major appliances, damaged the house. It's a big mess. The good news is that Josh did have insurance and they've been working with him.

Finally, my other big news isn't really news... yet. I think I may be taking a new role at work. I'm not sure when it will happen but my boss is wanting to list my current job soon so I can have a backfill. The opportunity is more in line with what I would like to be doing and I hope it works out. Nothing is ever certain at my company and I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

I finished my Saturday class so I only have 2 classes to finish before graduation. My Health & Lifestyle class is easy and I don't have any concerns. My French 3 class is kicking my behind. I don't know what I was thinking signing up for this class to go 5 days a week. Oh, I know... I wasn't thinking that I would be doing the job of 2 people at work this semester. I've been added to another project and I just don't see how I can get it all done. I've brought up my concern that I was worried about graduating but nothing came of it. I just hope I can last. It's just till mid-December. I can make it, right?

I am looking forward to graduation. I've not been myself for quite some time. I'm pretty grouchy, achey, depressed, stressed, and tired all the time. I know that this is due to overload but I really want to get back to taking better care of myself and actually getting to be a part of my new family. The girls are excited about Josh and I getting married, ok, actually they are excited to be flower girls but it's a start.