Simple Kind of Life

I recently saw the interview that Oprah did with Tom Shadyac, the director of big time comedies like The Nutty Professor and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Tom Shadyac is an interesting guy with some pretty awesome ideas around the nature of human beings and how to reach true happiness. Tom previously lived in a mansion in California that consisted of 17 bedrooms, 13 bathrooms, huge kitchen, you get the idea. He talked about how in everyone's eyes he had reached much success but Tom was still unhappy. He was overwhelmed with all the people he to employ just to manage his large estate -- pool manager, kitchen manager, tennis court manager, etc. He said, " I needed a manager to manage all my managers." So what did Tom do? He left that life behind and bought only what he needed. The idea behind his philosophy is humans should only take what they need, just like animals. What did Tom need? He needed a double-wide mobile home, a nice mobile home, but just a mobile home. After watching the video tour of his home, I saw how nice it was, and how few belongings he had. Stepping into his closet he said, "I haven't gone clothes shopping in like 10 years." I was amazed but inspired by his lack of needing things. Tom basically said what defines happiness for each person is different, just don't take more than you need. For Tom, happiness was riding his bike, making more time for play, spending less time managing a lifestyle that was more than he needed. Tom also bought another mobile home which serves as his office. His team meets there and it had a nice eco-friendly feel. After reading up on Tom and his recently released file, I AM, I have to say, I'm taking a bigger look at what I need and not taking more than I need. I think the US is especially bad about doing this, as if owning more stuff proves to everyone else how much happier we are. I also watched an old episode of Oliver's Twist, Jamie Oliver's cooking show before he got famous and started a Food Revolution. I thought about this ideas around food as well. As Jamie is shopping, he is buying fresh ingredients, better quality food, then driving off to his simple home on his Vespa. Europeans seem to value quality vs. quantity so much more than Americans. We seem to speed through everything we do, including buying conveinance foods, and not make time for relaxation and play. When I am on my computer I am likely listening to a song, talking to Josh, yelling at the girls, and working. Not only am I less productive when I am like this, I hardly enjoy any of these things on their own. I like listening to music but it's not as nice if I don't get to pay attention to the lyrics. I like talking with Josh, but it's hard to carry on a valuable conversation when I'm so distracted. Being purposeful about what I'm doing and working towards more simplicity, seems to make a lot of sense for me. I've been thinking about changes I want to make in my life that will allow me to achieve this purposeful life. Eating good quality foods, enjoying the process of making something not rushing towards the end, slowing down to do something right, spending time doing the things that make me happy. As we have started building towards our next steps -- buying a home -- I'm keeping this in mind. Just because we can afford something, doesn't mean we need it.

Travels

I've been traveling quite a bit the last couple of months. In February I traveled to Philadelphia for work to begin working on my SAP certification. Following my training I met a friend that recently moved to Pennsyvlania for a weekend in New York City. It was my first time to NYC and I loved it. I didn't love the walking but everything else was great. I always thought NYC would be overwhelming and scary but it really wasn't. We stayed in Times Square and learned to use the subway. We traveled all over the city and had a great time exploring; we also saw Phantom on Broadway (very good). While there, I learned that Magnolia Bakery cupcakes really are as good as they are described, the John Lennon Imagine Memorial at Strawberry Fields in Central Park isn't very big, the FAO Swartz, shown in the movie BIG, is kinda lame, people in NYC are skinny because they have to walk so much, the Algonquin Hotel is really small and I don't know how Dorothy Parker and the Roundtable fit in such a small space, NYC in general is full of small spaces (another reason people are skinny in NYC), people are actually pretty nice and helpful, and I hope to return soon. Philadelphia on the other hand was a nightmare traffic and I really didn't care for it all that much. Last week I went to Las Vegas for a conference and Josh managed to join me the first part of the trip. We saw Eric Clapton in concert, got front row seats to see David Copperfield, and also caught Zumanity, the sensual Cirque de Soleil show. I think I enjoyed Zumanity the most. Eric Clapton was my pick but I really didn't care for the crowd and he was a bit boring in his performance. By day 4 I was ready to leave Vegas but Josh was just leaving and I had a whole week to go left alone. I have to say, Vegas is not my kind of place. It's full of superficial people, businesses, etc. The smoking, the drunk people, the fakeness in the way people behaved, it just wasn't for me. I think I could probably enjoy it in small stretches but never 8 days again!

New Year

2011 arrived with me tucked safely and warmly under the covers. We were invited to a party but I just wasn't in the party mood. I didn't (and still don't) want to say goodbye to 2010. I don't want to say, my dad died last year.

Instead we watched Going the Distance with Drew Barrymore and real life boyfriend, Justin Long. It was a cute movie with several laugh out loud moments. We also drank a little wine and attempted to relax. The relax thing hasn't been going so well for me lately.

Today was a little bit better of a day -- Mom and I finally got to spend some time together, just the two of us. We did a little shopping. I got several new sweaters and some bath stuff. I used some of my giftcards and ordered some cds that I want from Barnes & Noble. I've really gotten into the Bluegrass/Folk stuff lately. I ordered Justin Townes Earle's newest album, Harlem River Blues and The Garden by Ruth Moody. I also bought a book on mushrooms called Mushroom Miscellany. It has some really whimsical mushroom photos which I think are great.

The girls are at their mom's tonight so Josh and I are just going to hang out and maybe watch some Glee. Everyone keeps saying how good it is, we thought we'd check it out ourselves.

And so it comes to an end

On December 20, at 3:29 PM my dad was pronounced dead. He was 60 years old and I wasn't ready to say goodbye. What was scheduled as a routine hip replacement/ corrective leg surgery went dreadfully wrong and now I am left -- without my dad. I can't begin to explain the rage I feel or the hatred I have for the two men (so called doctors) that contributed to his death. One week ago today, my dad was laid to rest. My stomach has been in knots ever since, my world has been torn upside down and my mind fades in and out. I tell you this in my blog because 2010 will forever be the year of life changes. I married Josh, I gained 2 daughters, and I lost my dad. When I go through such sadness I do find that writing helps and this blog has been long neglected so I'm sure I'll come here to let it all out. I am not ready for 2011 mostly because I don't want to enter it under these circumstances. I am questioning all that I once had some sort of faith in -- society, God, myself, my friendships, and my hope. I am lost at the moment and know that things can't stay this way for long. I should want to live my life in a positive way, but right now I only want to escape from it. 2011 is going to be a long year.

Back to life, back to reality

So now that the wedding is behind me and the honeymoon :( I can now focus back on life outside of the wedding. It feels very strange because since I graduated from college, I've still been working on something (the wedding) and now that that's over with, I really don't have something that I have to give all my free time to. It feels strange but awkwardly nice because I'm just thinking about all things that I want/plan to do to fill up the time. Christmas is coming so that will fill some of my time but I'm wanting to set my attention back to a few things that were old priorities, before I got divorced, had to start my life over, get a new job, get promoted again and again at job, met Josh, got engaged, graduated, became a wife & stepmom and entered into this new phase of my life at the moment. So before all of that, there was this person that was very sad, and very lonely but not all of her was bad. See, she had a lot of hobbies and passions and did something about them quite often. She wrote, and read, and baked, and crafted, and decorated, and shopped (way too much) and volunteered. And did a lot of other things that I don't want to repeat but the point is, I want that part back some. I want to be working and thinking about some cool design or listening to new music while doing a craft. I can do this again and I'm so excited I feel like I'm on overdrive because I want it all now now now. And of course, I suddenly don't want to work... alot. Before the wedding, I was working a ton of hours and after coming back from the honeymoon, I just don't want to do it. I don't want to spend my evenings & lunches working. I want to finish my day and go home and spend time with my family, doing fun activities, and relaxing. I know this is how people can and do live, but it's not been a part of my life for a very long time. So I'm making strides to find balance and work in the fun stuff along the way. I hope to begin blogging again as well so I hope you'll join me as I start up again.

It's been awhile

Wow, I hadn't realized I hadn't blogged over here since March! Yikes! I guess the wedding blog has been getting all the attention. I could blog about the wedding stuff but it's already covered over on the wedding blog.

Things have definitely changed a lot of the last 6 months. First my sister got married in May. Josh and I went to Cancun for her destination wedding. I'll admit I wasn't really looking forward to Cancun -- I mean what is there really to do other than lay around, swim, drink and eat. I found that's all I really needed or wanted to do! It turned out to be very relaxing and now I'm in love with all-inclusive resorts. I'm sure my next vacation will be at one too. The next vacation after the honeymoon that is! The wedding was very nice and now that I'm coming up on my own wedding, I kinda wish I would have done something similiar because this wedding planning stuff is a lot of work... especially when you are as picky as me!

Josh and I also found a new house to move to. It's still just a rental but it will be a lot nice to live in. It's 3 br/ 2 ba and shoud work well for us. We're moving in starting tomorrow. It's been a bit stressful getting prepared to move while wedding stuff is going on but it's how the timing worked out so we just have to deal. I'll be glad when the weekend is over and our new house is put together. As a bonus, we have a holiday weekend the following weekend so we'll have an extra day off to enjoy the house ... or get errands done. I think I'm looking forward to cooking the most. I hate my kitchen here and the townhouse and the kitchen in the new house is so nice and modern. I can't wait to be inspired again.

Tori started kindergarten last week too! I can't believe she's in school now. She's going to be a great student -- her preschool prepared her well. She goes all day, 5 days a week. We're probably mean parents for that, but she loves to socialize and I don't think it's going to bother her one bit. Penny starts preschool in a couple of weeks and she is finally potty trained! She just had to make up her mind that's what she wanted to do. Last night she even got up after being asleep a couple hours to go; we were so proud.

I'm thinking this blog needs a big overhaul after the whole moving-wedding-honeymoon thing is over... so about November or so. I'd like to get back to blogging about the things that interest me, projects I'm working on, etc. Things will finally slow down then and I'll have free time once again. I'm already excited about the cooking, reading, decorating, crafting, etc. Can't wait!

Sigh

Things have been a bit slow since the first of the year. I'm so used to being busy that now that I'm not, I feel more unmotivated... why is that? I would think with more time on my hands the more I would want to do things. I feel that even less. Mostly I just work. I'm not doing a very good job of keeping up with friends either. It seems like now that I have more time, I tend to focus on the things that irritate or anger me more.

When I started over 4 years ago or so, I made huge efforts towards getting my life lined out the way that I wanted it. And for the first time in my life, I actually stuck with the plan and achieved many of my goals, especially in the school and career realm. Other goals I set out to accomplish I achieved and then let slip - such as friendships and hobbies. Health is in progress (30 lb down & a perfect check up) again but I'm not doing a whole lot to work on the friendships and hobbies. A couple of years ago I had tons of friends that I talked to daily, weekly, etc. We hung out all the time, went shopping, saw movies, etc. Now, I'm lucky if I get a couple of hours a month with my bestfriend. My hobbies were also booming -- I was writing, reading, cooking, making jewelry, sewing, seeking out new music, etc. Now, I do none of that... and I'm not sure why. I do have terrible guilt because I feel like all of my "free" time should go to Josh and the girls but I know that's not realistic or healthy.

Sometimes I don't do a good enough job of taking my own advice. I know that there has to be more of a balance. Part of it, at least the hobbies, is that I can't be alone in my own house. I can't hide and do something creative. I've always been a bit of a loner and I miss my quiet time. I also miss how productive I used to be. Every night of the week I was getting things done and feeling good about it... now nothing gets done and I don't even enjoy my evenings. I realize that this sounds as though I am depressed but I honestly don't think it's depression. I feel like it's another phase that I am supposed to enter but I haven't figured out how to get there... does anyone have a map?

True Blood

I have a new addiction. My favorite genre of literature has always been the grotesque genre otherwise known as southern gothic. I like this genre so much that Josh and I have even talked about putting a southern gothic spin on our wedding. Several months ago one of my old bosses was telling me about a show that she and her husband were addicted to -- she later found out that the show was based on a series of books and she flew through all the books. That show was True Blood. As Josh and I are now suffering through watching Supernatural Season 5 real-time, I wanted to find another show that would captivate us in the same way that Supernatural has. I had no idea that True Blood was a southern gothic show and now that we've started watching it, I can't get enough. Season 2 doesn't come out until May on DVD so now I have to suffer through waiting on this show as well. Any ideas of what we can watch while we wait? I'm sure I need another show addiction! I did check out the Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris and have now started reading the first book. Apparently it's a book a season and there are something like 9 books. So if HBO keeps up with books, we're looking at long series.

Steady Decline

The last week has been pretty awesome as far as work and diet go.

My new boss, Andy, arrived from the UK on Monday and was here the entire week. He seems like a really nice guy. One evening he took Josh and I out to dinner which was nice. He seemed much more interested in me as a person unlike the guy I was working for. I think I'm really going to like my job. While here, Andy managed to get me into an office and a nice office at that. It will be so nice to just work and not have people bothering me all the time.

As far as my diet goes, I've rocked this week. I've lost on average .7 lb a day! So this morning when I went to weigh myself I was down my first 20 lb! I'm thrilled. I feel like this time the diet is going to stick because I'm not eating special foods or doing anything crazy... I'm just making healthy choices and cutting back on portions. I guess I feel like it's more of a lifestyle change that has to be made so I'm sticking with it. I should start taking pics of my progress or something to put them up.

Lastly, Josh and I have been working on wedding invitation designs. I reviewed the invitations that you can order online and I really wanted something a bit different. We've found a poster that we are using as inspriation so hopefully it turns out and it's something we can use instead of ordering them and paying outrageous prices.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my last day in my old role at work. On Monday my new boss will be in town and all my new responsibilities will be laid upon me. I'm actually feeling very calm about the transition. I know I can do this job and do it well. My last day should be uneventful other than the sigh of relief I will have as I exit building, knowing that when I return, I will be in a better place. I am also really eager to move desks. I'd like to move into an office (I so miss having an office) but I don't have my hopes up. I did learn that I will be going to Mexico in June for work, a couple of weeks after I get back from Mexico (Cancun). And I'm thinking I might be going to a conference in Orlando between then! So a traveling summer may be ahead of me.

Josh and I watched (500) Days of Summer the other night and I loved, loved, loved this movie! It has great cinematography and the timeless style of the main characters is inspiring. The story isn't necessarily a "feel good" movie but it was still so good. I highly recommend it.

I've been reading some. I finished Eclipse a few weeks ago. It was pretty good. I still fly through these Twilight books so easy. I just picked up Breaking Dawn at the library tonight along with The Shack. The Shack isn't something I would probably buy but I'm curious about what all the rage is. Josh is trying to get me to read some Cherie Priest, so I'll probably be checking her out soon.

I've been doing a good job at being domestic lately. Don't worry, I still have a laundry disorder. Last night I made breakfast burritos which turned out soooo yummy and tonight we had Buffalo Chicken Pasta Bake. This stuff is seriously good. It's been added to our list of regular revolving meals. I've done well with the diet so far. I'm down another 2 lb. It's definitely slowed down some this week but I'm not discouraged. My calories have been about 1100 a day and I am eating for energy not for pleasure (although the pasta was really good!).

Parenting Test

This week has made for an interesting one. We found out earlier this week that Josh was taking a last minute trip to Vegas to go to CES and flying out today. This meant that I would have the girls while he was gone. I was very excited for Josh to go. Not only is something that interests him personally, but he's got a great project in mind for work and going to CES would help to advance his ideas around the project. I was also a little stunned because I've never had the girls on my own like this. It's good for me, though, and if things go as well as this evening, I'll be a champ at this parenting thing. The girls were so good tonight, no crying, no whining, no fighting. I'm sure I've just jinxed myself but it really has gone well. I even played princess makeup with them, which they've been begging to do since Tuesday night. I was actually pretty pumped about going back to work this week but it has been quite hectic and stressful. First, the stress is due to 2 things. First, people are just kicking it into high gear because it's a new year and people are actually working and second, those Phentermine pills cause me to be a little shaky. It's usually the worst around the afternoon, like 2 or 3. I think I'm going to see about cutting a couple pills out of my week. I will say this, they work great. I have dropped 7 lb since the first, which means 12 lb total. I know most of that is water but I'll take it. I do feel differently, kinda smaller. And I'm really not all that interested in food. Most of the time I am eating because I need energy not because I'm hungry, which is certainly a different feeling.

Off to a good start

Yesterday was the first of the new year and it was a great start. I spent the morning blogging which is a step towards writing for me. Around 1 we picked up the girls from Mom & Dad's house. Tori had apparently been a little ornery but Penny was in rare form. She wanted me! She wanted to sit on my lap! And out of the blue she said, "I love you, Joy". It's stuff like this that melts my heart! Tori is easy with the hugs and I love you's but Penny is a little tougher... kinda like myself. I had a bowl of mom's yummy ham & beans and then we took the girls bowling at the Alley. We met Josh's cousin, Jody, and his wife and 3 daughters. The girls had a blast and were pretty good. It was nice to spend time with them and I hope we get to do it more often this year. Once we got home, everyone was in need of a nap, myself included. The girls watched the Little Miss Sunshine movie and rested. At 5 or so, Josh took them to their mom's house for the weekend. I started getting a headache which was apparently due to lack of eating and drinking. I have debated whether to talk about this on the blog but I've decided I will because hopefully it will encourage me. In December I went and saw a weightloss doctor. I want to thin down for my wedding and my sister's wedding... and the health benefits are well worth it. Yesterday I started the progam. I take 2 pills, Phentermine and Amilor. Phentermine is an appetite suppressant and Amilor is a water pill. I also do HcG hormone sublingually. I could have opted for the injections but me and shots don't mix. So my headache yesterday was due to the fact that I hadn't had much going into my body all day. The Amilor did kick in big time and peed like you wouldn't believe -- at least every hour! Josh went and got Subway for dinner and that helped the headache tremedously. We ended the evening with lounging around and reading. I did get myself set up on the Wii fit. My weight actually dropped in December but I blame that on the nasty somach flu we had for a week. I was down 5 lb from when I saw the doctor, which feels nice. So today we've cleaned half the house (thoroughly) and we are headed to the store to go grocery shopping and start the new year out with me doing some cooking, which I am really looking forward too. Maybe I'll get back to posting some recipes on here to share.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Obligatory End of Year/Decade Post

So every year I blog somewhere about how my year had gone and what I was hoping for next year. Since this is also the end of a decade, it only seems right that I go back little further and check out how far I've come.

2000 - I rang in the new year with my ex in Jacksonville, FL with friends. He was drunk (as usual). In late February we moved back to Wichita. We rented a house in S Wichita. I started working for KETCH with a big pay cut. I spent a lot of time with family getting caught up and meeting all the new babies in my life.

2001 - I started back to school at Butler. I kept working for KETCH. I started doing crafty stuff. My best friend moved a couple of miles away and we spent a lot of time hanging out.

2002 - Still in school, still working for KETCH. Life wasn't eventful other than the regular drinking parties that my ex threw at our house every weekend. We also bought that rental house (BIG MISTAKE!)

2003 - Still in school, still working for KETCH. Did a craft show, did some writing. Spent a lot of time with family and friends. Lost a lot of family and friends. Was a very sad year.

2004 - Graduated from Butler with AA. Started WSU. Still working for KETCH and hating it. Still married to the ex and hating it even more. Best friend gave birth to baby Tierra who had me at hello.

2005 - Divorced the ex, gave him the house (BIG MISTAKE). Moved in with my parents. Was completely and utterly depressed for a year straight. Left KETCH to start working for KOCH. Was excited about my new job. Struggled with school the entire year due to depression. Moved into my own place, started dating.

2006 - Working hard at school and work. Spending time with family and friends, focusing on me, me, me. And dating losers for the most part. I guess I did have a couple boyfriends in there.

2007 - Cousin Kari moved in and lighted my life. Promoted at work. Still going to school. Started dancing and going out all the time. Lots of shenanigans. Turned 30. Met a nice guy but it didn't work out. 2007 was a pretty good year.

2008 - Cousin Kari moved away. Kept working hard at work. Still going to school. Met new friends. Partied a little too hard. Met Josh. Slowed down. Fell in love with Josh. Met Tori and Penny. Fell in love with Tori and Penny. Started understanding that things DO happen for a reason.

January 2009 - Rang in the new year with Josh and some friends at a dance club. Started a new job. Prepared for my last year at WSU. Celebrated Tori's 4th birthday at ChuckECheese -- never again!

Febuary 2009 - Suprised Josh big time for Valentine's day. Spent tons of time doing family stuff.

March 2009 - Delivered first major project at work early and under budget.

April 2009 - Weekend getaway to KC courtesy of Josh ( I seriously needed it). Started a new project at work.

May 2009 - Turned 32. Saw Fleetwood Mac in concert for my birthday and spent the weekend in KC. Went to see my cousin get married in Hillsboro. My sister gets engaged.

June 2009 - Josh and the girls move in. It was a rocky start but we got it figured out. Summer classes. Celebrated our 1 year anniversary.

July 2009 - Put Josh's house on the market, thinking we are going to get married.

August 2009 - Went on vacation with Josh to Jacksonville, FL and Savannah, GA. It was such a great trip. Started final semester at WSU. Celebrated Penny's 2nd birthday.

September 2009 - Freaked out about final French class at WSU, this was harder than I thought it was going to be. Went to visit Janet and Jason in New Mexico (fun!). Josh's house gets burglarized (not so fun).

October 2009 - Josh proposes! The girls are Hannah Montana and Strawberry Shortcake for Halloween. I still struggle with school. Dude from the UK comes to Wichita and asks me about working for his team...what?

November 2009 - Find location for wedding and set a date. Spend Thanksgiving in Colorado with Josh's family, I finally got to meet them! Really start freaking out about school, am I going to graduate or what? Get a call at work requesting I apply for a new job listing. Interview for that UK dude's team and wait nervously to see if I got it.

December 2009 - Wait, and wait, and wait. Finally, I get a call about the job. And I got it! Pass french by the skin of my teeth and I graduate! Look forward to new job, no school, wedding planning, and spending time with my new family in 2010.

It's crazy how things change. But I've learned a lot along the way. Last year my resolutions were to 1) graduate and 2) get engaged (which seems silly but these things take some work).
I accomplished both and managed to score a new position at the same time. I am very lucky but I worked my behind off. So my resolutions for this year are:

1) get healthy -- cause I let a lot go to get everything accomplished this year
2) spend time focusing on my new family and making time for friends and family
3) GET MARRIED!

Christmas Recap

Obviously I've had to work these last few days following Christmas so I haven't had a chance to recap our holidays until now. I've also had major congestion which has left me only wanting to curl up with movies and read magazines the last week.

Christmas was very nice this year and felt a bit neverending because we had 4 Christmases in which the girls opened gifts. On the evening of the 23, Josh's stepmom, brother, and sister (& her boyfriend) came over. We had Popeye's chicken, opened gifts and chatted the evening away. I haven't gotten to hang out with them much and in this kind of setting at all so it was really nice to get to know them more. Tori and Penny cleaned up as usual. Highlights were homemade blankets by Grammy Tami and a karaoke machine. Josh and I got a DVD player for our bedroom which has come in handy with me feeling down the last few days. We've watched Julie & Julia, Paper Heart and Paranormal Activity on it so far. We also rented Sunshine Cleaning. All of the movies good but I especially liked Sunshine Cleaning & Paper Heart.

On Christmas Eve, Wichita got hit with a snow storm, which made for an especially festive day. We headed over to Mary & Tony's (Tori & Penny's aunt and uncle) and opened gifts with them. The girls loved their Zhu Zhu pets and Playschool doll house. Josh and I got a bag of goodies which were super yummy. Next we headed over to my mom and dad's house. I had to take a separate load of gifts earlier that morning because we couldn't fit everything in the car! My sister and her fiancee, Jason, (and the two dogs) drove in through the snow storm from New Mexico so I was anxious to see them. We spent the afternoon doing some baking, watching tv, chatting, etc. Soon it was time to talk about dinner. We had made plans to go to Sal's for dinner but the weather was so bad we didn't want to get out. So Janet and Jason made homemade spaghetti for all of us. It was pretty good and the girls ate a ton of it. We also opened gifts with my family which was really just watching the girls open all their gifts. They really did score pretty big with a Splatster, Hannah Montana makeup head, Berry Cafe, Play Doh desk, pajamas, books, Ugly Dolls, etc. Josh got lots of games for this Wii and Xbox. I got a purse that I wanted pretty bad, pajamas, goodies from Harry & David, the Pioneer Woman's cookbook, crafty stuff, and lots of other stuff. Josh, the girls and I then headed home so Santa would know where we were when he came to deliver gifts. Josh and I stayed up late putting together a Vanity for the girls and getting all the stockings put together.

Christmas Day morning the girls were up earlier than usual and Josh, of course, was waiting for all of us to wake up. When we did, they ran downstairs to find their loot. The Vanity went over big. They immediately started doing their hair and each other's hair. Next came stockings and they ripped those apart pretty quickly. Lastly they opened their wrapped gifts which included Nintendo DS & Cyberpocket, games for the systems, movies, Baby Alive's and watches. They were very excited and got everything they wanted (I think!) We did go overboard this year but I reminded Josh that they lost a lot of their stuff do to the burglary back in September and it's not every year that we can deliver such a good Christmas to them. (And I have a really hard time stopping the Christmas shopping for them...sigh). We had to drop the girls off with their mom at 12 and afterwards we headed back to my parent's house for the extended family Christmas. It was a smaller crowd this year and the food was proof. To be honest, I can't wait till I have a house and can host Christmas myself. After dinner and presents we played Pictionary Man and a game called Psychologist. Both were fun and full of laughs. Next my cousins all came over to hangout, play Rockband and Super Mario Brother's for the Wii. We all had a nice time but I wish I would have felt better.

On Sunday my family suprised me with a graduation celebration at Red Lobster. I really wasn't expecting anything for graduation, since I wasn't walking, but it was nice. I had this drink that was like a strawberry dipped pina colada, sooooo good. I love it. I also love that it seems that most major events in my life are celebrated at Red Lobster, lol. I did get some cash and a gift card to Beau Monde for some pampering, which I really can't wait to do.

So that's it, the Christmas tree is still standing, the house has been a wreck for a month, and I don't know the last time I've cooked a meal at home (or Josh) but that's what the holidays are all about, right?

Just thought I would mention...

That I passed French and I am done with my English Degree!!!!!

Cozy Christmas in the making

The Christmas season has finally arrived at my house and I'm looking forward to the coziness of having a family of my own at Christmas. This will be the second Christmas that I spend with Josh and the girls. Last year was one of my best Christmas's ever and at the time, I couldn't imagine a better Christmas. Amazingly, I think this year could top it. Last year at this time, I was worried that I would be without a job and penniless. Shortly before Christmas, I found out that I my job went through and that was moving into a Business System's Analyst position. I was so stoked... all my hard work was going to pay off and I was going to actually be doing something that I loved. My sister and her boyfriend and his daughters drove in from NM and my parents had a house full. The 4 little girls made Christmas extra special and I felt so at peace. As I entered into 2009, I knew this year was going to be difficult. I knew that I could face possible cut backs at work (again), my last year of college, and potential changes to my day to day life. As Christmas arrives again, I can look back on the year and see all that I've accomplished and feel proud. 2009 has been a hard year for me -- but it's also been a great year for me. Josh (& girls) and I moved in together in June. In October, we got engaged. In November I met my future in-laws for Thanksgiving. This month, I received a job offer that will not only give me the opportunity to move away from my high-stress job (which I am thankful for but seriously ready to leave) and regain a personal life. I'm going to become a Global SAP Security Lead that will move me up the ladder, allow for SAP certification, and place me in more of a director role with decision rights. Next week, I take my last final and if all things go as planned, I will be done with my undergraduate degree. I will be the proud owner of BA in English. If things don't go as planned... I'm going to be proud of what I have accomplished and try again.

Wedding Website

With the news of our recent engagement, Josh and I decided to start a wedding website. Check it out here.

Book Reviews

I've been thinking a lot these last couple of days and trying to come up with ways to work on myself and my struggles -- as previously mentioned. Today I did a good job. It's just one day but I'll take it for now. I'm hoping to take back control little by little bit each day. And as I do so, I should little by little, start to feel better about myself and where I am headed. Blogging is a good start for me as well. So, I promised some book reviews and here they are:

Twilight - Stephanie Meyer
Yes, I bought into the hype and picked up Josh's copy of Twilight to see what everyone is talking about. And I think I get it. I read through Twilight like I read through Judy Blume books in elementary school and VC Andrews books in middle school. The writing is easy to read, the stories are built around a few main characters, and the reader is exposed to the inner pysche of the main character -- it feels very indulgent. There is sexual tension (as much as there can be in juvenile lit) which keeps the reader eager to find out what happens next. I haven't wished for characters to do as much as kiss since I was 12, but Twilight had me there. I read the book in 3 days and was ready for more the next day.

New Moon - Stephanie Meyer
So I picked up New Moon at the library the next week to feed my juvenile lit craving! Or maybe it's a vampire craving! I sped through New Moon as quickly as Twilight and enjoyed it almost as much. I missed Edward's presence in the second book, but I still found it interesting. I haven't picked up Eclipse yet and that might be just because New Moon wasn't as good as Twilight and I don't care quite as much as I did at the end of Twilight. But I'll get Eclipse, the third book, soon I'm sure.

How did I get so Busy? - Valorie Burton
It is rare for me to rave about a self-help book, or even more, suggest a self-help book to a friend or co-worker. After reading, How did I get so Busy? I've found multiple opportunities to recommend the book to others. This book really does help. I read a chapter each night before bed, I did the meditations, and the activities. I could keep this book with me as a reference book to get through life. There are so many things that we don't make time for and so many things we fill our time with that simply don't matter. This book forces you to look at your life differently -- and sometimes it's not very pretty what you discover. You might find that you do things like me -- define success based on income or titles. But then once you have this information, you are empowered to change how you think. I plan to keep reading this book, certain chapters in particular to help me to put together a less stressed life that allows me to have fun and to do things for the purpose of making me truly happy -- not that fake kind of happy that we show the world.

Struggling

I've been struggling lately, struggling a lot. I haven't felt like myself in quite awhile and I'm ready to snap out of it. I've been pretty negative and moody lately and found that I don't get excited about much these days. And I should. It's my life and I should enjoy it. I guess I'm overwhelmed, a bit depressed, a lot stressed, and generally not feeling good about myself. It seems like I'm going through the motions but not really living. Work is really dragging me down. My co-workers are really irritating me. There is one part of my job that I love, but the rest is pretty awful. That one part is what I want to do, but I have so much on my plate, I can't focus. I sit at my desk trying to wrap my head around what I need to do and can't focus for more than a few minutes at a time. The people play a big part in the negativity that I have about my job. I don't like my co-workers. I don't even care much for my friends that are co-workers. They all drag me down and steal the "life" from me. I used to be able to think about the evenings and the weekeneds after work and get excited. Now I don't. Now I feel like I just use this time to recover from work. I was so much more creative -- writing, crafts, etc. Now it's nothing. And I'm not taking care of myself. I'm not exercising or eating properly. I'm not enjoying things. When I come home from work, I'm so fried, I space off. I don't get much accomplished in my house. I surf the net or play Dr. Mario in an attempt to forget about the crappiness of my day. And it's not fair to me, the girls, or Josh. At one time, I planned my evenings. I planned my health. My entertainment. I had plans and they weren't always cancelled because of work or not feeling well. And not feeling well has become a regular thing. I have a lot of headaches these days. I feel lethargic and ran down. I don't even know where to begin when it comes to fixing me. There is so much to do and not enough energy in me to do it. I guess that's the problem -- no energy. I'm spent most days. How can I stop letting my job control my life and help me to start actually living the life I want?