Sigh

Things have been a bit slow since the first of the year. I'm so used to being busy that now that I'm not, I feel more unmotivated... why is that? I would think with more time on my hands the more I would want to do things. I feel that even less. Mostly I just work. I'm not doing a very good job of keeping up with friends either. It seems like now that I have more time, I tend to focus on the things that irritate or anger me more.

When I started over 4 years ago or so, I made huge efforts towards getting my life lined out the way that I wanted it. And for the first time in my life, I actually stuck with the plan and achieved many of my goals, especially in the school and career realm. Other goals I set out to accomplish I achieved and then let slip - such as friendships and hobbies. Health is in progress (30 lb down & a perfect check up) again but I'm not doing a whole lot to work on the friendships and hobbies. A couple of years ago I had tons of friends that I talked to daily, weekly, etc. We hung out all the time, went shopping, saw movies, etc. Now, I'm lucky if I get a couple of hours a month with my bestfriend. My hobbies were also booming -- I was writing, reading, cooking, making jewelry, sewing, seeking out new music, etc. Now, I do none of that... and I'm not sure why. I do have terrible guilt because I feel like all of my "free" time should go to Josh and the girls but I know that's not realistic or healthy.

Sometimes I don't do a good enough job of taking my own advice. I know that there has to be more of a balance. Part of it, at least the hobbies, is that I can't be alone in my own house. I can't hide and do something creative. I've always been a bit of a loner and I miss my quiet time. I also miss how productive I used to be. Every night of the week I was getting things done and feeling good about it... now nothing gets done and I don't even enjoy my evenings. I realize that this sounds as though I am depressed but I honestly don't think it's depression. I feel like it's another phase that I am supposed to enter but I haven't figured out how to get there... does anyone have a map?

True Blood

I have a new addiction. My favorite genre of literature has always been the grotesque genre otherwise known as southern gothic. I like this genre so much that Josh and I have even talked about putting a southern gothic spin on our wedding. Several months ago one of my old bosses was telling me about a show that she and her husband were addicted to -- she later found out that the show was based on a series of books and she flew through all the books. That show was True Blood. As Josh and I are now suffering through watching Supernatural Season 5 real-time, I wanted to find another show that would captivate us in the same way that Supernatural has. I had no idea that True Blood was a southern gothic show and now that we've started watching it, I can't get enough. Season 2 doesn't come out until May on DVD so now I have to suffer through waiting on this show as well. Any ideas of what we can watch while we wait? I'm sure I need another show addiction! I did check out the Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris and have now started reading the first book. Apparently it's a book a season and there are something like 9 books. So if HBO keeps up with books, we're looking at long series.

Steady Decline

The last week has been pretty awesome as far as work and diet go.

My new boss, Andy, arrived from the UK on Monday and was here the entire week. He seems like a really nice guy. One evening he took Josh and I out to dinner which was nice. He seemed much more interested in me as a person unlike the guy I was working for. I think I'm really going to like my job. While here, Andy managed to get me into an office and a nice office at that. It will be so nice to just work and not have people bothering me all the time.

As far as my diet goes, I've rocked this week. I've lost on average .7 lb a day! So this morning when I went to weigh myself I was down my first 20 lb! I'm thrilled. I feel like this time the diet is going to stick because I'm not eating special foods or doing anything crazy... I'm just making healthy choices and cutting back on portions. I guess I feel like it's more of a lifestyle change that has to be made so I'm sticking with it. I should start taking pics of my progress or something to put them up.

Lastly, Josh and I have been working on wedding invitation designs. I reviewed the invitations that you can order online and I really wanted something a bit different. We've found a poster that we are using as inspriation so hopefully it turns out and it's something we can use instead of ordering them and paying outrageous prices.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my last day in my old role at work. On Monday my new boss will be in town and all my new responsibilities will be laid upon me. I'm actually feeling very calm about the transition. I know I can do this job and do it well. My last day should be uneventful other than the sigh of relief I will have as I exit building, knowing that when I return, I will be in a better place. I am also really eager to move desks. I'd like to move into an office (I so miss having an office) but I don't have my hopes up. I did learn that I will be going to Mexico in June for work, a couple of weeks after I get back from Mexico (Cancun). And I'm thinking I might be going to a conference in Orlando between then! So a traveling summer may be ahead of me.

Josh and I watched (500) Days of Summer the other night and I loved, loved, loved this movie! It has great cinematography and the timeless style of the main characters is inspiring. The story isn't necessarily a "feel good" movie but it was still so good. I highly recommend it.

I've been reading some. I finished Eclipse a few weeks ago. It was pretty good. I still fly through these Twilight books so easy. I just picked up Breaking Dawn at the library tonight along with The Shack. The Shack isn't something I would probably buy but I'm curious about what all the rage is. Josh is trying to get me to read some Cherie Priest, so I'll probably be checking her out soon.

I've been doing a good job at being domestic lately. Don't worry, I still have a laundry disorder. Last night I made breakfast burritos which turned out soooo yummy and tonight we had Buffalo Chicken Pasta Bake. This stuff is seriously good. It's been added to our list of regular revolving meals. I've done well with the diet so far. I'm down another 2 lb. It's definitely slowed down some this week but I'm not discouraged. My calories have been about 1100 a day and I am eating for energy not for pleasure (although the pasta was really good!).

Parenting Test

This week has made for an interesting one. We found out earlier this week that Josh was taking a last minute trip to Vegas to go to CES and flying out today. This meant that I would have the girls while he was gone. I was very excited for Josh to go. Not only is something that interests him personally, but he's got a great project in mind for work and going to CES would help to advance his ideas around the project. I was also a little stunned because I've never had the girls on my own like this. It's good for me, though, and if things go as well as this evening, I'll be a champ at this parenting thing. The girls were so good tonight, no crying, no whining, no fighting. I'm sure I've just jinxed myself but it really has gone well. I even played princess makeup with them, which they've been begging to do since Tuesday night. I was actually pretty pumped about going back to work this week but it has been quite hectic and stressful. First, the stress is due to 2 things. First, people are just kicking it into high gear because it's a new year and people are actually working and second, those Phentermine pills cause me to be a little shaky. It's usually the worst around the afternoon, like 2 or 3. I think I'm going to see about cutting a couple pills out of my week. I will say this, they work great. I have dropped 7 lb since the first, which means 12 lb total. I know most of that is water but I'll take it. I do feel differently, kinda smaller. And I'm really not all that interested in food. Most of the time I am eating because I need energy not because I'm hungry, which is certainly a different feeling.

Off to a good start

Yesterday was the first of the new year and it was a great start. I spent the morning blogging which is a step towards writing for me. Around 1 we picked up the girls from Mom & Dad's house. Tori had apparently been a little ornery but Penny was in rare form. She wanted me! She wanted to sit on my lap! And out of the blue she said, "I love you, Joy". It's stuff like this that melts my heart! Tori is easy with the hugs and I love you's but Penny is a little tougher... kinda like myself. I had a bowl of mom's yummy ham & beans and then we took the girls bowling at the Alley. We met Josh's cousin, Jody, and his wife and 3 daughters. The girls had a blast and were pretty good. It was nice to spend time with them and I hope we get to do it more often this year. Once we got home, everyone was in need of a nap, myself included. The girls watched the Little Miss Sunshine movie and rested. At 5 or so, Josh took them to their mom's house for the weekend. I started getting a headache which was apparently due to lack of eating and drinking. I have debated whether to talk about this on the blog but I've decided I will because hopefully it will encourage me. In December I went and saw a weightloss doctor. I want to thin down for my wedding and my sister's wedding... and the health benefits are well worth it. Yesterday I started the progam. I take 2 pills, Phentermine and Amilor. Phentermine is an appetite suppressant and Amilor is a water pill. I also do HcG hormone sublingually. I could have opted for the injections but me and shots don't mix. So my headache yesterday was due to the fact that I hadn't had much going into my body all day. The Amilor did kick in big time and peed like you wouldn't believe -- at least every hour! Josh went and got Subway for dinner and that helped the headache tremedously. We ended the evening with lounging around and reading. I did get myself set up on the Wii fit. My weight actually dropped in December but I blame that on the nasty somach flu we had for a week. I was down 5 lb from when I saw the doctor, which feels nice. So today we've cleaned half the house (thoroughly) and we are headed to the store to go grocery shopping and start the new year out with me doing some cooking, which I am really looking forward too. Maybe I'll get back to posting some recipes on here to share.

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