Cozy Christmas in the making

The Christmas season has finally arrived at my house and I'm looking forward to the coziness of having a family of my own at Christmas. This will be the second Christmas that I spend with Josh and the girls. Last year was one of my best Christmas's ever and at the time, I couldn't imagine a better Christmas. Amazingly, I think this year could top it. Last year at this time, I was worried that I would be without a job and penniless. Shortly before Christmas, I found out that I my job went through and that was moving into a Business System's Analyst position. I was so stoked... all my hard work was going to pay off and I was going to actually be doing something that I loved. My sister and her boyfriend and his daughters drove in from NM and my parents had a house full. The 4 little girls made Christmas extra special and I felt so at peace. As I entered into 2009, I knew this year was going to be difficult. I knew that I could face possible cut backs at work (again), my last year of college, and potential changes to my day to day life. As Christmas arrives again, I can look back on the year and see all that I've accomplished and feel proud. 2009 has been a hard year for me -- but it's also been a great year for me. Josh (& girls) and I moved in together in June. In October, we got engaged. In November I met my future in-laws for Thanksgiving. This month, I received a job offer that will not only give me the opportunity to move away from my high-stress job (which I am thankful for but seriously ready to leave) and regain a personal life. I'm going to become a Global SAP Security Lead that will move me up the ladder, allow for SAP certification, and place me in more of a director role with decision rights. Next week, I take my last final and if all things go as planned, I will be done with my undergraduate degree. I will be the proud owner of BA in English. If things don't go as planned... I'm going to be proud of what I have accomplished and try again.

Wedding Website

With the news of our recent engagement, Josh and I decided to start a wedding website. Check it out here.

Book Reviews

I've been thinking a lot these last couple of days and trying to come up with ways to work on myself and my struggles -- as previously mentioned. Today I did a good job. It's just one day but I'll take it for now. I'm hoping to take back control little by little bit each day. And as I do so, I should little by little, start to feel better about myself and where I am headed. Blogging is a good start for me as well. So, I promised some book reviews and here they are:

Twilight - Stephanie Meyer
Yes, I bought into the hype and picked up Josh's copy of Twilight to see what everyone is talking about. And I think I get it. I read through Twilight like I read through Judy Blume books in elementary school and VC Andrews books in middle school. The writing is easy to read, the stories are built around a few main characters, and the reader is exposed to the inner pysche of the main character -- it feels very indulgent. There is sexual tension (as much as there can be in juvenile lit) which keeps the reader eager to find out what happens next. I haven't wished for characters to do as much as kiss since I was 12, but Twilight had me there. I read the book in 3 days and was ready for more the next day.

New Moon - Stephanie Meyer
So I picked up New Moon at the library the next week to feed my juvenile lit craving! Or maybe it's a vampire craving! I sped through New Moon as quickly as Twilight and enjoyed it almost as much. I missed Edward's presence in the second book, but I still found it interesting. I haven't picked up Eclipse yet and that might be just because New Moon wasn't as good as Twilight and I don't care quite as much as I did at the end of Twilight. But I'll get Eclipse, the third book, soon I'm sure.

How did I get so Busy? - Valorie Burton
It is rare for me to rave about a self-help book, or even more, suggest a self-help book to a friend or co-worker. After reading, How did I get so Busy? I've found multiple opportunities to recommend the book to others. This book really does help. I read a chapter each night before bed, I did the meditations, and the activities. I could keep this book with me as a reference book to get through life. There are so many things that we don't make time for and so many things we fill our time with that simply don't matter. This book forces you to look at your life differently -- and sometimes it's not very pretty what you discover. You might find that you do things like me -- define success based on income or titles. But then once you have this information, you are empowered to change how you think. I plan to keep reading this book, certain chapters in particular to help me to put together a less stressed life that allows me to have fun and to do things for the purpose of making me truly happy -- not that fake kind of happy that we show the world.

Struggling

I've been struggling lately, struggling a lot. I haven't felt like myself in quite awhile and I'm ready to snap out of it. I've been pretty negative and moody lately and found that I don't get excited about much these days. And I should. It's my life and I should enjoy it. I guess I'm overwhelmed, a bit depressed, a lot stressed, and generally not feeling good about myself. It seems like I'm going through the motions but not really living. Work is really dragging me down. My co-workers are really irritating me. There is one part of my job that I love, but the rest is pretty awful. That one part is what I want to do, but I have so much on my plate, I can't focus. I sit at my desk trying to wrap my head around what I need to do and can't focus for more than a few minutes at a time. The people play a big part in the negativity that I have about my job. I don't like my co-workers. I don't even care much for my friends that are co-workers. They all drag me down and steal the "life" from me. I used to be able to think about the evenings and the weekeneds after work and get excited. Now I don't. Now I feel like I just use this time to recover from work. I was so much more creative -- writing, crafts, etc. Now it's nothing. And I'm not taking care of myself. I'm not exercising or eating properly. I'm not enjoying things. When I come home from work, I'm so fried, I space off. I don't get much accomplished in my house. I surf the net or play Dr. Mario in an attempt to forget about the crappiness of my day. And it's not fair to me, the girls, or Josh. At one time, I planned my evenings. I planned my health. My entertainment. I had plans and they weren't always cancelled because of work or not feeling well. And not feeling well has become a regular thing. I have a lot of headaches these days. I feel lethargic and ran down. I don't even know where to begin when it comes to fixing me. There is so much to do and not enough energy in me to do it. I guess that's the problem -- no energy. I'm spent most days. How can I stop letting my job control my life and help me to start actually living the life I want?

Polyvore

I found this site called Polyvore that is so cool. You can create looks just like you would find in magazines, yourself. I made this look there. If only I had the 10K the outfit costs and could fit into it!

Coming Soon

Book Reviews!

Ah, hello, goodbye October

So October has arrived and is nearly gone and I haven't blogged in over a month! I guess I've had a whirlwind of changes come about in the last month and that's kept me preoccupied.

First thing, I'm engaged. Yep, with a ring and all that jazz. Josh proposed on October 10th. The proposal story is a bit entertaining. I had Saturday class and when I got home I had a headache. So I decided to lay down and rest. Josh kept asking me to go with him and the girls to the bookstore but I told him I just wasn't up to it. So they went ahead and left. About 15 minutes later, he called and said that his car was giving him problems and I would need to pick them up at the bookstore. So I got up and drove to Borders. When I got to Borders, I headed directly for the kid's section. When I got towards the back, I saw him and said, "You really wanted me to come to this bookstore today, didn't you?" as a joke. He said, "Yes, yes I did." And about that time, my parents came around the corner and Josh dropped to one knee. This was the bookstore that Josh and I met at on June 11, 2008. He proposed, I went into shock, my parents took pictures, and the girls ran around the bookstore. My ring is beautiful and I love it. We are just getting started on the wedding planning but it's already a lot of fun.

In September Josh's house was broken into. The thieves took nearly $20,000.00 worth of stuff. Josh has been dealing with that for about a month and a half and it's been a tedious process. Just when we think we've got it all cleared up, something else crops up. They stole a credit card, check books, major appliances, damaged the house. It's a big mess. The good news is that Josh did have insurance and they've been working with him.

Finally, my other big news isn't really news... yet. I think I may be taking a new role at work. I'm not sure when it will happen but my boss is wanting to list my current job soon so I can have a backfill. The opportunity is more in line with what I would like to be doing and I hope it works out. Nothing is ever certain at my company and I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

I finished my Saturday class so I only have 2 classes to finish before graduation. My Health & Lifestyle class is easy and I don't have any concerns. My French 3 class is kicking my behind. I don't know what I was thinking signing up for this class to go 5 days a week. Oh, I know... I wasn't thinking that I would be doing the job of 2 people at work this semester. I've been added to another project and I just don't see how I can get it all done. I've brought up my concern that I was worried about graduating but nothing came of it. I just hope I can last. It's just till mid-December. I can make it, right?

I am looking forward to graduation. I've not been myself for quite some time. I'm pretty grouchy, achey, depressed, stressed, and tired all the time. I know that this is due to overload but I really want to get back to taking better care of myself and actually getting to be a part of my new family. The girls are excited about Josh and I getting married, ok, actually they are excited to be flower girls but it's a start.