Water

I'm going to be completely honest -- today started out terrible, completely and utterly terrible. Right now I am assigned to a project at work that requires that I make mass changes to our User's access. With these changes comes unexpected errors and issues in the system we use, SAP. I am also responsible for fixing these errors when they occur, which means I am constantly putting out fires and bearing the brunt of frustration that the User's have. My phone rings off the hook, my office communicator is constantly pinging and my email is seriously out of control. And as you might have guessed, people are never happy when reporting these issues... This morning started with another one of those fires and a ranting User who decided to copy everyone in the company (or so it seemed) just to get one issue resolved. I really don't know how people think I can resolve an issue any faster when 10 people bitch at me about vs. 1. Anyway, that's beside the point, and there is a real point to this...I'm not just venting. Really! With the morning quickly fading I was worried that I was going to be "forced" to skip class (again) as I had to ensure that everyone was up and running smoothly. 10:40 hit and I decided I was going no matter what; I was tired of work obligations stealing from my personal interests. And it didn't hurt that we've been watching a film that had sucked me in completely. The film is called Water and it is directed by Deepa Mehta. The story is a true account of what the widows of India have endured over time and some still do today. There is a lot of attention placed on Ghandi's Peace Movement as well. When I left work, I felt like I could lose it at any moment, and after watching the ending of this film, I remembered what kinds of things are really worth getting upset over and what really matters. I was also reminded about the "better" way to live. I don't live like most of my co-workers -- I don't want to either. I try not to just do things out of self-interest, I try to do things for the greater good, but I think I could do a better job at that, nonetheless. When I think about true despair in the world, my worries seem so much less. When I think about the harsh realities in the world, past and present, I wonder how we can let these things happen. How do we make excuses or turn a blind eye to something so terrible for so long? I think about when people notice something isn't right with someone and they say, "Someone should do something." What they are really saying is, "Someone other than myself should do something." And why is this? What do we really lose by going out on a limb and saying something, offering support, asking if things are really ok? People die every day and people say that they knew someone, they offer kind remarks at a funeral, but how many people really know that someone? How many people understand what that person truly battled? The poem I posted yesterday is about that very thing. People aren't what they seem, there are cries for help, but people only see what they want to see-- what's convienant. I think people, self-serving, egotistical people, in general are what are irking me right now and I'm surrounded by them every day. My outlook is jaded and I'm currently an inconvienant person, but my resolve is strengthening, this I can tell.

Not Waving But Drowning

Stevie Smith - Not Waving But Drowning


Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

Antiquing & Eating

Saturday morning Josh and I went to the Flying Moose antique store. I've been spending a lot of time on Design Sponge and was inspired to make something new and mine again. Only one thing stood out to me, a buffet, but I wan't feeling like spending the $125 on it, plus having to haul it home. So I passed. We ate lunch downtown at TJ's Burger House -- soo yummy. This was my first time eating there and I thought it was great; the fries were freshly cut and excellent. The burger was pretty great too. For dinner I made Southwest Chicken and Rice wraps, a creation of my own, and was quite impressed. What made these really great was the rice! I found a recipe for Chipotle's Cilantro-Lime rice and it's fantastic.

Cilantro-Lime Rice
Ingredients
1 teaspoon vegetable oil
2 teaspoons fresh cilantro ( I love it so I used a lot more!)
2/3 cup white rice
1 1/3 cup water
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 lime

Directions
1) In a 2-quart heavy saucepan, heat oil over low heat, stirring occasionally until melted.
2) Add rice and lime juice, stir for 1 minute.
3) Add water and salt, bring to a full rolling boil
4) At boiling, cover, turn down to simmer over low heat until rice is tender and the water is absorbed, about 25 minutes.
5) Add in the cilantro and fluff rice with a fork

The other thing that made these wraps great was Shake'n Bake. Yep, right out of the 80's. Josh reacquainted me with Shake'n Bake as I was looking for a healther alternative to fried chicken tenders. Shake'n Bake makes some tasty chicken tenders for less calories And fat. For dessert I made Chai Cake with Chai mousse. It was ok, nothing special, doubtful that I'll make it again. Sunday morning we headed to The Donut Whole for breakfast. I tried the Cherry Cordial and the Peanut Butter & Grape. The Grape was good but the Cherry Cordial was excellent. I think it's my new favorite. Soooo.... as you can tell there was a lot of eating done this weekend, which means I need to get back on the wagon this week. The rest of the weekend was filled with Supernatural watching. The series is getting really exciting and I'm so glad to be watching it on DVD and not waiting each week for a new episode.

The text you shouldn't have sent...

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

3 weeks

I'm starting to feel better this week. My illness seems to be going away and my stress levels have decreased. I rested a lot this weekend and felt like myself again on Saturday. I ended up making the homemade pizzas. I ended up making the mozzarella basil for the girls and the canadian bacon and green chili for Josh and I. First, the crust recipe is awesome - the dough was a little wonky to being with but ended up rolling out very nice, puffing up perfectly and wasn't droopy. I'm definitely going to save this recipe. I also made my own marinara from scratch. It had a good flavor but was a bit liquidy... next time I will add tomato paste. I froze a good deal of it though to use for pasta. As is, I think it makes a better pasta sauce than pizza sauce. I was pretty proud of myself as I managed to make these with an 18-month old hanging out in the kitchen with me. I put her on the counter, rolled up her pant legs and let her play in the sink. All went well until she decided to use a cup! Needless to say, she ended up sitting in the sink and have a blast... I wish I would have taken a picture of that!

3 weeks and I will be done with the Spring semester. I'm starting to think that relief is around the corner. I know that summer school will come all too soon, but I'm ready for something different. This semester has kicked my behind. It's not that my classes are any harder, it's that the juggling of my new position and school has become more challenging. And I've read so much this semester, it's taken up a lot of my time. Don't get me wrong, I love to read, but I like to read what I want to read, not what I'm told to read. And I don't like deadlines; it's like an excuse to procrastinate. Isn't it funny how something we ordinarily like becomes taxing when someone else requires that we do it?

This week I have 2 papers to write and have decided to start tanning again. Hopefully, it will be a productive week.

Two posts, one day, this should tell ya something! I love, love, love this movie. It stars Christina Ricci and James McAvoy, who have quite the on-screen chemistry. Penelope is the modern day fairytale of a girl who is born into a curse that leaves her with a pig snout. The only way to break the curse is to be truly loved by a fellow "Blue Blood." McAvoy is super hot in the film and I might just have to see Wanted now because he's in it. Seriously, he might have just moved into my top 5. The film was based on Mark Ryden's art, especially this painting:

I think what I enjoyed the most about the film was the carnivalesque qualities, just like Ryden's art. Penelope's room and most things that surround her are quite surreal. Oh, someday I will have Ryden's art hanging on my walls, even if they are just prints! The soundtrack to the film was fantastic as well: Waking Life by Schuyler Fisk (love it, love her!), Your Disguise by James Greenspan, and Give In by The Secret 6. The film reminded me of Simply Irresistable, that despite what critics say, I loved. Again, it has that modern day fairytale feel to it but Penelope has more eyecandy to look at. Anyway, if you enjoy the carivalesque or are even just a sucker for film-art-- go see this movie.

PS. You can watch it Instant on Netflix if you have an account!

Bibliophile

In the next few years, I hope to be buying a house. This time around, I'm not settling when it comes to built-ins. My most desired attraction in a house are walls of built-in book cases. My style is "books." I don't want them to cover every wall, unless of course I have my own library (which is probably pretty unrealistic at this point in my life) but I do want a little book cove. At least 2 intersecting walls of a room dedicated to my prized posessions. And if I can't find a house with the right built-ins, I guess I'll just have to hire someone to come in and make them for me.

All this reading and book talk has me thinking I need to be writing too. I know, I know. Just a little bit longer and I'll have graduated and have that pretty piece of paper that so many employers want. If I do manage to pull off graduation in December 09 (which is still the plan) I will have much more free time to be creative. Right now, it's really hard to think of stories, poems, or even things that are aesthetically pleasing, when I have to balance work/school/responsibilities. But that's soooo going to change when I'm done. And when I've finally figured out how to create a career out of the things I'm good at and love at the same time. One step in that direction is putting myself "out" there. There are a couple local publications that I could submit to, I should submit to, but I have no time and no energy. I will get there though, just you wait and see.

So the agenda for this evening? Well, since I'm still ill with something Josh referred to as the plague over lunch, I'm spending the evening watching Penelope. I was reading up on Mark Ryden because his business address is in Denver, CO ,and I was thinking maybe his gallery was too (it's not), I discovered something from this movie was inspired by some of his art. So I thought I better check it out. Actually, now that I think about it, it has Christina Ricci and if anyone ever looked like they stepped out of a Mark Ryden painting, it's her. And besides, I'm too scared to watch Supernatural on my own anyway.

Sick of being sick

I'm sick again. To be truthful, I've been sick for nearly 3 weeks but Monday things took a turn for the worst. I know that I haven't done a very good job resting with the crazy schedule that I've been keeping and added stress at work is certainly not helping anything. I decided to work from home today so I could at least lay around in my pjs and properly stuff kleenex up my nose to keep the drippage out of my way. I came to several conclusions while working 1) I am much more productive when I'm not at work and 2) I'm much happier when I'm not at work 3) I think I'd rather be sick at home than be healthy at work. Do you see a trend here? Yeah, me too.

This evening I finished up Miguel Street by V.S. Naipaul. It's certainly not something I would have picked up on my own, but was actually pretty good. The novel is put together like a collection of short stories that are built off different characters, which could stand alone. The endings to each story were a bit bleak and unsettling but very realistic (and this was based on the author's childhood so that makes sense). There are some pretty humorous parts of the book but there is quite a lot that I found depressing too -- especially how the women and children were treated on Miguel Street. The novel definitely gives great insight into life in a poverty-stricken Trinidad as seen through the eyes of a young boy and told in the words of his older self. I give the book 3/4.

The other thing I did tonight was think about what I could do for myself this weekened (or the rest of the week because I'm not letting work take over my life this week, it's a vow I've made to myself). Realizing that I'm probably not going to be 100% by Saturday, and even if I was, I should just take it easy and get rid of this crud once and for all, I thought about cooking. Geez, I'm in such a cooking mood. There are a couple of things that I've wanted to make for weeks now that I just haven't gotten to: Chai muffins w/ chai mousse, Corn Chowder, and homemade pizza. The homemade pizza involves a little more than popping a Boboli in the oven with some canned sauce and toppings. I want to try out a new crust recipe, make my own sanuce and do it up with fresh mozzarella and basil or canadian bacon and green chili (one of my fav's). So maybe this weekend will be a cooking weekend, and if I don't feel up to something, I just don't cook.

April weekend in KC

I had a nice long weekend (thanks to Good Friday) so Josh and I decided to go to KC. Actually, Josh attempted to suprise me with a trip to KC but I got it out of him. Friday I spent running a bunch of errands and shopping. I bought new outfits for the girls and Josh -- they all looked very cute. Saturday morning we left for KC. We first hit the new Zona Rosa shopping center. I wasn't all that impressed with it. It did have a Sephora but everything was spread out and still under construction. We had lunch at this chinese place called Bo-Lings. We were both unimpressed as it was really very bland- even down to the crab rangoon which I love. We also shopped at Legends and I really liked this mall. It was outside and had some really nice shops. We stopped in at the Converse store and bought the girls each a pair of chucks. I found a few things - some jeans, pj pants, etc. For dinner we went to The Cheesecake Factory in Overland Park. We only had a 20 min wait, which is so much better than the wait in the Plaza. We had calamari (which is my favo

rite). Josh had these cajun chicken things and I had a cuban sandwich. We couldn't finish our meals and we had to get cheesecake to go. We both ordered this peanut butter fudge ripple thing which was way too rich and neither of us could finish our meal. This morning we hit up Half-Priced Books which is a great bookstore. I found such good deals, I couldn't stop myself. I walked out with these titles and I only paid $1-$3 a book:

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress by Susan Jane Gilman

Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie

Bait and Switch by Barbara Ehrenreich

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls -- I've really been wanting to read this one!

A Million Little Pieces by James Fry - I started this but I don't have a copy anymore so I had to buy one!

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger - Yes, this is one of my favorite books and no I didn't have copy, now I do!

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Girlbert - Another one I've really been wanting!

The History of Love by Nicole Krauss

The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd

And my total was: $25.00 - Can you believe this!?!?

Seriously, go check out this bookstore. Josh also got a few books as well. We had Einstein Bros. for breakfast and then headed to Dave & Busters to play some games. I kicked Josh's butt at Skee-ball -- turns out all my practice online really was doing me some good. We discovered the Deal or No Deal Game, which was just like the gameshow. I think the show is pretty silly but playing for tickets is pretty intense and we had fun. Afterwards we had some Fuddruckers and headed back to Wichita. On the way back I read 4 chapters of The Picture of Dorian Gray aloud to Josh. It made the trip fly by and we both really enjoyed it -- I know, we are nerds. We finished the evening off by watching 4 episodes of Supernatural. The show is still holding my interest so that's a good sign. All in all it was a fantastic weekend. Here is a pic of Josh at Bo-Lings looking pretty darn cute; it's the only time I remembered to use my camera this weekend, go figure.

Quotable

Things you probably shouldn't stay in an All-Staff Town Hall Meeting at the corporate office:

They still show a profit. We are producing what I like to call " a couple turds in a punch bowl."

~CEO.

Porphyria's Lover

I finished Haroun and the Sea of Stories tonight. I give it 3.5/4 stars. It was a fantastic book and something I would want to share with my own kids one day. It would be a perfect one-chapter-before-bed kind of story to share with little ones who love books. I think it has a bit of a "Big Fish" & "What Dreams May Come" kind of vibe, both of which are wonderful films.

I also read some Robert Browning in class today. One of the poems we read, I really enjoyed so I thought I would share it:

Porphyria's Lover

THE rain set early in to-night,
The sullen wind was soon awake,
It tore the elm-tops down for spite,
And did its worst to vex the lake:
I listen'd with heart fit to break.
When glided in Porphyria; straight
She shut the cold out and the storm,
And kneel'd and made the cheerless grate
Blaze up, and all the cottage warm;
Which done, she rose, and from her form
Withdrew the dripping cloak and shawl,
And laid her soil'd gloves by, untied
Her hat and let the damp hair fall,
And, last, she sat down by my side
And call'd me. When no voice replied,
She put my arm about her waist,
And made her smooth white shoulder bare,
And all her yellow hair displaced,
And, stooping, made my cheek lie there,
And spread, o'er all, her yellow hair,
Murmuring how she loved me—she
Too weak, for all her heart's endeavour,
To set its struggling passion free
From pride, and vainer ties dissever,
And give herself to me for ever.
But passion sometimes would prevail,
Nor could to-night's gay feast restrain
A sudden thought of one so pale
For love of her, and all in vain:
So, she was come through wind and rain.
Be sure I look'd up at her eyes
Happy and proud; at last I knew
Porphyria worshipp'd me; surprise
Made my heart swell, and still it grew
While I debated what to do.
That moment she was mine, mine, fair,
Perfectly pure and good: I found
A thing to do, and all her hair
In one long yellow string I wound
Three times her little throat around,
And strangled her. No pain felt she;
I am quite sure she felt no pain.
As a shut bud that holds a bee,
I warily oped her lids: again
Laugh'd the blue eyes without a stain.
And I untighten'd next the tress
About her neck; her cheek once more
Blush'd bright beneath my burning kiss:
I propp'd her head up as before,
Only, this time my shoulder bore
Her head, which droops upon it still:
The smiling rosy little head,
So glad it has its utmost will,
That all it scorn'd at once is fled,
And I, its love, am gain'd instead!
Porphyria's love: she guess'd not how
Her darling one wish would be heard.
And thus we sit together now,
And all night long we have not stirr'd,
And yet God has not said a word!

Why do I like this poem? Several reasons. First, Browning is a Victorian writer and it was so not pc to talk about how you want to kill someone -- in other words he gives voice to the inner psyche and that hadn't been done before. Second, I kind of giggle about the idea but this really is about a Victorian era bootycall gone awry! Third, I relate it to Self Esteem by Offspring and Last Dance with Mary Jane by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers. I'm thinking my next paper will be over this poem in particular and I might even do a comparison against some of these modern song lyrics.

Reason # 5,617: I have the best boyfriend in the world

Why do you ask? Because Josh suprised me at 7:30 this morning with a Starbucks grande chai latte and 2 maple & bacon donuts from The Donut Whole! Oh yes! I've been whining about wanting to try this donut for months now and Josh delivered them to my doorstep. They are seriously good and I can't stop thinking about them. Jealous much?

Online therapy

Today was a trying day -- people can make my job very difficult at times and as much as I want to please everyone, it's just not possible-- I'm not perfect. I told myself I was too tired to blog tonight but I find that if I just take a few moments to take my mind off work, school, and responsibilities, I can relax/sleep easier. So tonight I found something pretty cool -- online Skee-ball! It's seriously addictive. And just so you know, I am much better at online skee-ball than I am at the real thing.

I had read about Omegle the other day so I thought I would try just to see, here is how it went:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: i got the hots for you
You: u don't know me
Stranger: so what.
Stranger: i can't have the hots for a stranger?
You: are you bi?
Stranger: you know, i don't have the hots for someone so closeminded.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I don't think I'll return to Omegle unless it's to vent to strangers and say weird things - which could be therapeutic...ha ha.