There is an end

My last week of the Spring semester has arrived. I'm so relieved and so overwhelmed all at the same time. I just finished my last paper this evening and only have one final to complete next week, which, of course, is another paper... sigh. As I have gone through this semester I realized, I probably won't be taking any more English classes for my degree, at least it's not in the plan anyway. The remaining classes that I'm taking are French 3 and a few electives which aren't English classes. Part of me is saddened by the thought of this but another part of me is so tired of writing papers. I don't mind the readings but the papers have just done me in. They say as you go through college your writing skills will improve. My grades are still fine but I don't think my writing shows much improvement at all. In fact, I think I wrote much better papers 2 years ago. Perhaps it's the teachers I've had recently or even the subject matter. Actually, I think it's the fact that I am burned out. Half the time I turn in a paper, I just want to get it done. I don't care if it's an A or B paper (which somehow it usually is) I just want it off my plate. I hate that pursuing my degree has turned into something so tedious. When I first saw the classes that I would be taking in the English program I was excited by types of literature that we would cover. What I've learned is that I studied mostly medieval literature, many works several times over, and I'm not even a fan of medieval literature. I feel like my professors have the opportunity to pick and choose what to study and most of the time, it's the same old stuff we've been reading. Another thing I've realized is that work has taken so much out of me, personal growth in the form of school has just become another task that I have to complete. I always thought I was a lifetime learner, someone who would never want to stop taking classes. With my current position, this just isn't a possibility. It's certainly something that I need to consider going forward in life, but right now, I'm just looking forward to the break until Summer classes start up.

Water

I'm going to be completely honest -- today started out terrible, completely and utterly terrible. Right now I am assigned to a project at work that requires that I make mass changes to our User's access. With these changes comes unexpected errors and issues in the system we use, SAP. I am also responsible for fixing these errors when they occur, which means I am constantly putting out fires and bearing the brunt of frustration that the User's have. My phone rings off the hook, my office communicator is constantly pinging and my email is seriously out of control. And as you might have guessed, people are never happy when reporting these issues... This morning started with another one of those fires and a ranting User who decided to copy everyone in the company (or so it seemed) just to get one issue resolved. I really don't know how people think I can resolve an issue any faster when 10 people bitch at me about vs. 1. Anyway, that's beside the point, and there is a real point to this...I'm not just venting. Really! With the morning quickly fading I was worried that I was going to be "forced" to skip class (again) as I had to ensure that everyone was up and running smoothly. 10:40 hit and I decided I was going no matter what; I was tired of work obligations stealing from my personal interests. And it didn't hurt that we've been watching a film that had sucked me in completely. The film is called Water and it is directed by Deepa Mehta. The story is a true account of what the widows of India have endured over time and some still do today. There is a lot of attention placed on Ghandi's Peace Movement as well. When I left work, I felt like I could lose it at any moment, and after watching the ending of this film, I remembered what kinds of things are really worth getting upset over and what really matters. I was also reminded about the "better" way to live. I don't live like most of my co-workers -- I don't want to either. I try not to just do things out of self-interest, I try to do things for the greater good, but I think I could do a better job at that, nonetheless. When I think about true despair in the world, my worries seem so much less. When I think about the harsh realities in the world, past and present, I wonder how we can let these things happen. How do we make excuses or turn a blind eye to something so terrible for so long? I think about when people notice something isn't right with someone and they say, "Someone should do something." What they are really saying is, "Someone other than myself should do something." And why is this? What do we really lose by going out on a limb and saying something, offering support, asking if things are really ok? People die every day and people say that they knew someone, they offer kind remarks at a funeral, but how many people really know that someone? How many people understand what that person truly battled? The poem I posted yesterday is about that very thing. People aren't what they seem, there are cries for help, but people only see what they want to see-- what's convienant. I think people, self-serving, egotistical people, in general are what are irking me right now and I'm surrounded by them every day. My outlook is jaded and I'm currently an inconvienant person, but my resolve is strengthening, this I can tell.

Not Waving But Drowning

Stevie Smith - Not Waving But Drowning


Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

Antiquing & Eating

Saturday morning Josh and I went to the Flying Moose antique store. I've been spending a lot of time on Design Sponge and was inspired to make something new and mine again. Only one thing stood out to me, a buffet, but I wan't feeling like spending the $125 on it, plus having to haul it home. So I passed. We ate lunch downtown at TJ's Burger House -- soo yummy. This was my first time eating there and I thought it was great; the fries were freshly cut and excellent. The burger was pretty great too. For dinner I made Southwest Chicken and Rice wraps, a creation of my own, and was quite impressed. What made these really great was the rice! I found a recipe for Chipotle's Cilantro-Lime rice and it's fantastic.

Cilantro-Lime Rice
Ingredients
1 teaspoon vegetable oil
2 teaspoons fresh cilantro ( I love it so I used a lot more!)
2/3 cup white rice
1 1/3 cup water
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 lime

Directions
1) In a 2-quart heavy saucepan, heat oil over low heat, stirring occasionally until melted.
2) Add rice and lime juice, stir for 1 minute.
3) Add water and salt, bring to a full rolling boil
4) At boiling, cover, turn down to simmer over low heat until rice is tender and the water is absorbed, about 25 minutes.
5) Add in the cilantro and fluff rice with a fork

The other thing that made these wraps great was Shake'n Bake. Yep, right out of the 80's. Josh reacquainted me with Shake'n Bake as I was looking for a healther alternative to fried chicken tenders. Shake'n Bake makes some tasty chicken tenders for less calories And fat. For dessert I made Chai Cake with Chai mousse. It was ok, nothing special, doubtful that I'll make it again. Sunday morning we headed to The Donut Whole for breakfast. I tried the Cherry Cordial and the Peanut Butter & Grape. The Grape was good but the Cherry Cordial was excellent. I think it's my new favorite. Soooo.... as you can tell there was a lot of eating done this weekend, which means I need to get back on the wagon this week. The rest of the weekend was filled with Supernatural watching. The series is getting really exciting and I'm so glad to be watching it on DVD and not waiting each week for a new episode.

The text you shouldn't have sent...

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

3 weeks

I'm starting to feel better this week. My illness seems to be going away and my stress levels have decreased. I rested a lot this weekend and felt like myself again on Saturday. I ended up making the homemade pizzas. I ended up making the mozzarella basil for the girls and the canadian bacon and green chili for Josh and I. First, the crust recipe is awesome - the dough was a little wonky to being with but ended up rolling out very nice, puffing up perfectly and wasn't droopy. I'm definitely going to save this recipe. I also made my own marinara from scratch. It had a good flavor but was a bit liquidy... next time I will add tomato paste. I froze a good deal of it though to use for pasta. As is, I think it makes a better pasta sauce than pizza sauce. I was pretty proud of myself as I managed to make these with an 18-month old hanging out in the kitchen with me. I put her on the counter, rolled up her pant legs and let her play in the sink. All went well until she decided to use a cup! Needless to say, she ended up sitting in the sink and have a blast... I wish I would have taken a picture of that!

3 weeks and I will be done with the Spring semester. I'm starting to think that relief is around the corner. I know that summer school will come all too soon, but I'm ready for something different. This semester has kicked my behind. It's not that my classes are any harder, it's that the juggling of my new position and school has become more challenging. And I've read so much this semester, it's taken up a lot of my time. Don't get me wrong, I love to read, but I like to read what I want to read, not what I'm told to read. And I don't like deadlines; it's like an excuse to procrastinate. Isn't it funny how something we ordinarily like becomes taxing when someone else requires that we do it?

This week I have 2 papers to write and have decided to start tanning again. Hopefully, it will be a productive week.

Two posts, one day, this should tell ya something! I love, love, love this movie. It stars Christina Ricci and James McAvoy, who have quite the on-screen chemistry. Penelope is the modern day fairytale of a girl who is born into a curse that leaves her with a pig snout. The only way to break the curse is to be truly loved by a fellow "Blue Blood." McAvoy is super hot in the film and I might just have to see Wanted now because he's in it. Seriously, he might have just moved into my top 5. The film was based on Mark Ryden's art, especially this painting:

I think what I enjoyed the most about the film was the carnivalesque qualities, just like Ryden's art. Penelope's room and most things that surround her are quite surreal. Oh, someday I will have Ryden's art hanging on my walls, even if they are just prints! The soundtrack to the film was fantastic as well: Waking Life by Schuyler Fisk (love it, love her!), Your Disguise by James Greenspan, and Give In by The Secret 6. The film reminded me of Simply Irresistable, that despite what critics say, I loved. Again, it has that modern day fairytale feel to it but Penelope has more eyecandy to look at. Anyway, if you enjoy the carivalesque or are even just a sucker for film-art-- go see this movie.

PS. You can watch it Instant on Netflix if you have an account!